Developing sexual confidence

Some people seem to inherently have sexual confidence whilst other people need to consciously develop their sexual confidence. Sexuality is both fluid and malleable - easily influenced and changeable over time. Our sexuality highly susceptible to both social and cultural influences, which can be either a negative or positive thing. On one hand we live in a hyper sexualised society and images of sex are everywhere. These representations of sex are more about marketing and entertainment than education. They are not a healthy or accurate representation of sex. Mainstream porn is a good exampleI of this. If we buy into these media presentations it is likely we will be left feeling inadequate and unsure of ourselves sexually.

On the other hand, because sex is malleable and easily influenced we have the opportunity to positively influence our sexual confidence.  We can gain sexual confidence through sex education, which includes self-exploration.  For many people their own sexuality remains a mystery, which makes it hard to feel comfortable during sexual moments.  When we become comfortable with our own bodies we are more likely to be confident in engaging sexually with others.  Through self exploration we can learn about how we respond to sexual excitement - what feels pleasurable, what emotions are triggered, what fantasies emerge, how we breath and move during arousal, how are muscles contract, how we can prolong arousal, etc.   There is so much to explore through masturbation or solo sex practices.   We also gain the advantage of learning the art of self-care and self-pleasuring. 

Our sexual confidence is also effected by our intimate relationships. Healthy relationships, based on mutual respect and kindness, can help us become more sexual confident by allowing us to express our authentic sexual self without feel of shame or criticism.    However, if we feel judged, criticised or shamed, especially during sex, it can cause us to withdraw from relationships or shut ourselves down sexually.   Restoring mutual trust and kindness to a relationship and learning to openly communicate is essential for healthy sexual relationships and enormously beneficial for sexual confidence.

Sex therapy can help individuals explore relational patterns and barriers that diminish sexual confidence and provide valuable education, information and tools to gain sexual confidence. It also gives people an opportunity to talk about sex in an open, non-judgmental and compassion environment.