Low sexual desire
Low sexual desire in long term relationships is a common sexual issue. For some couples it does not become an issue and they may easily ride out the waves of sexual ups and downs. However for many couples it can become an irreconcilable issue which can create unmanageable stress in the relationship. So why is sexual desire such a common problem in long-term relationships?
initially in a relationship, when things are new and exciting, sexual desire feels spontaneous. In this initial period of excitement and novelty, couple’s are constantly thinking of each other, anticipating their time together and making an effort to impress. They prepare themselves and their space in anticipation of spending time with their new lover. All this anticipation is part of foreplay as the biggest sex organ in the body is the brain and our thoughts and feelings have a profound impact our sexual desire. So, besides having an insurgence of “love” hormones in our system, we actually just put in much more time and effort.
After a period of time life goes back to normal, hormones settle down, and the relationship become familiar and comfortable. When the relationship becomes comfortable many couples stop putting in the effort yet still expect sex to be spontaneous. Rather than dressing up for their partners they start wearing comfortable clothes and rather than going out they may just stay in a watch TV. They no longer make sure they are freshly showered and shaved or change the sheets on their bed and clean the bedroom. In fact, many couples probably now live with each other Of course this is very normal and we have to get back to regular life but it is worth thinking about how to continue to cultivate desire in long-term relationship. Like a garden, a sex life still requires love and energy for it to continue to blossom.
Besides lack of time and energy, there are other factors that can contribute to low sexual desire. Physical exhaustion and stress can be another reason. If one person is experiencing low sexual desire in a relationship due to stress or exhaustion the first step is understanding how you can best support them to ease their burden or help them regain the energy levels.. Nagging or pushing for sex does little to increase sexual desire. Provide care, kindness and support builds intimacy which also builds desire.
Some couples have a very limit perception of what sex is and believe that all sexual play must include sexual penetration or oral sex. The problem is that people may not want to be penetrated or engage in oral sex so they may start to avoid sex altogether. If couples can think about sex in broader terms (erotic massage, passionate kissing, sensual stroking, nipple sucking, toe sucking, erotic dancing, soft cock play, sexy story telling, exploring sexual fantasies, etc.) and learn to communicate their wants, needs and desires, they may end up having more sexy times together.
Given the importance of sexual desire in relationships, I am dedicated to working with individuals and couples to overcome interpersonal challenges to create a mutually pleasurable and fulfilling sex life. A healthy sex life not only enhances the quality of relationships, it also has a positive effect on an individual’s health and wellbeing. Sex therapy provides individuals and couples the opportunity to explore sexual desires and concerns in the presence of a warm, intuitive and skilled therapist. With the right support individuals can discover ways connect intimately with their partners so to create a pleasurable sex life and a loving relationship.